I have vegetarian friends. They’re good people. I wish I could emulate their commitment, their compassion. But sometimes when we go to one of those restaurants—by that I mean “lifestyle” restaurants—where the menu has a lot of raw and sprouted things along with nuts and tofu masquerading as dairy, I feel annoyed rather than uplifted. Yes, I know meat is bad for my body and for the planet. Yes, I know about Silent Spring. Yes, animals are our friends. That said, when I go into a place where I am told what I am eating is healthful, life-affirming, and righteous, it kinda pisses me off.
I went with a friend yesterday to one of the afore-mentioned type of restaurant. Their menu is listed as a series affirmations, e.g. “I am Supercalifraglisticexpealidocious,” rather than simply “kale salad with tofu and tahini.” Reading an entire page of that makes me want to tell the waiter, I mean server, I mean cool human who is taking my order, that “I am Bitter” or “I am Sneering.” Of course, he can already see that. But I behave and try to tune into the happy, hippie vibe, knowing that I will be energetically elevated if I just have the right attitude and a clean colon. I order a half-portion of a macrobiotic bowl. Rice and seaweed and kale and cabbage and nuts. All very tasty but I couldn’t finish it. Was it that my bowl was served with a large side portion of earnestness? Maybe. Was my appetite depressed by my feeling guilty that I should be more evolved and not such a carnivorous glutton? Yeah, likely. But the real reason I could never be a vegetarian? It’s not political (though it may be the result of a character flaw that makes me horribly hedonistic when it comes to food). It’s just that there is too... much... chewing. I get why many vegetarians are skinny. They probably burn off all the calories from chomping on those raw carrots and whatnot. Or their mandibular muscles simply get too tired from overwork and they stop eating. That’s what I did. Funny: that never happens to me with a steak.
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2 comments:
Love the new format.
Love the new post. I can so relate. I like to refer to that place as Cafe Attitude. As if, you could really manifest all that just by positive thinking. If they were the case, wouldn't most of their waitstaff manifested a million bucks by now and be laying on a beach in Asia somewhere thinking "I am friggin' rich?"
I am so with you, sister. But maybe they are all just bodhisattvas, staying here to help the rest of us actualize one tofu-laden bite at a time.Maybe they subscribe to the philosophy of purification through mastication.
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